Why Christian?
Rachel Held Evans wrote about the “Why Christian?” conference in her book Inspired. Unfortunately, I did not come across her writing or start following her on Twitter until a few months before she died. I am grateful that her heart lives on in her writing. My chest emptied the moment I read of her passing. I am grateful that she posed such questions- “why christian?”. Like her, I traversed a similar wilderness. I wrestled with the Angel. As messed up as Christianity is- why? Why go along with it and all the nonsense, all the atrocities linked to its followers? I will not let this question go! Not until I walk away conquering it or crumpled in defeat. God did not crush me and I did not conquer Him. We walked off together. I have emerged with a limp but I am undeniably blessed.
What is my problem with Christianity? As Gandhi said, “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Growing up, I often wondered how Christians could read the Bible and do such awful things. I remember first being disturbed by segregation, Apartheid, Nazi Germany, slavery, the Salem Witch trials, the Inquisition, the Crusades…all of these done by Christians. Then the disputes between denominations and assertions that certain groups were going to hell for whatever reason; if this is the best Christianity can do then why do I need this?
I was changed by meeting Christ in people who read scripture and did courageous and loving things. People who actively wrestled to cling to the Kingdom on earth as in heaven. I read about Koinonia Farms and Clarence Jordan. In deeply segregated Americus, Georgia, they established an integrated community and paid the price for it. I discovered Will Campbell who actively decided to “love them all.” He served in Martin Luther King, Jr’s inner circle, yet also served klansmen and preached their funerals. I discovered people like Tony Campolo who embodied and proclaimed the story of Christ seeking out the hurting in this world. Of course, Mother Theresa looked like Christ to me. Jim and Elizabeth Elliot also. I experienced the devotion of a community that loved Jesus and cared for one another.
However, like Timothy, I wonder if I would be a Christian if it were not for women. I was blessed to have a praying mom who sought the Lord early in the morning. Sometimes too early, sometimes too loudly, but nonetheless…I met girls in school who had a deep devotion to Jesus that was beautiful and compelling. After a long drought in which I began to settle for religion and the Bible was becoming a rule book, I was completely undone by the prayer of a little girl.
“The Call” was an event on July 7, 2007 at the Titan’s stadium in Nashville. My mom asked me to take her, so I did. I was not uninterested, but I was skittish. The music would likely be interesting but these people could get weird. We made our way to our seats, high up for some reason- there were plenty of seats. On the field was a stage with people lined up to pray into the microphone. My “hokey-meter” was going off, but I was quickly paralyzed by the prayer of the young girl at the microphone. I felt heavy and something like a dam cracked in my chest. Tears began to form and I fought them. I fought them and clenched my jaw, and tried to think about something else. This was a wrestling match and I was just hanging on. All I knew was that I was overwhelmed by the Spirit of God praying in that little girl. She prayed as someone who really knew Jesus. She asked Him to intervene. She talked to him as a friend and as a father. I knew I deeply wanted my girls to pray like this, to know Jesus this way. Jesus is alive and active and not a sidebar in a legal manual. I left with a limp, leaning on the Jesus who would not let me go.
Since that time, I have come to know Jesus much differently than I did before. I have wrestled with dogged determination and every morning I discover His great faithfulness. I have not let go and He has not let go of me. I am thankful for women like Rachel Held Evans, Beth Moore, Nadia Bolz-Weber, Amy-Jill Levine, Diana Butler Bass, Lois Tverberg, Katie Bowler, Becca Stevens, and many others that I could mention who reveal Christ to me in surprising ways. I see Jesus better because of them and I am blessed. I am a better husband, father, and friend because I have allowed them to share with me the Good News of the risen Lord. In reading the hateful legalism of those who think Jesus is somehow honored by silencing women like these, I sincerely hope they enter the arena and wrestle with the Spirit of God- even if He comes in the voice of a little girl. Even if it means they now walk with uncertain footing, limping along and leaning on Christ alone.
